If you love something, set it free. It’s something most of us have heard; this year has taught and reinforced for me many things and that is one of them. A few months ago, I wrote in a poem :
“It isn’t until you’ve been fully rejected that you can begin to fathom the possibility that you might be worthy.”
And ever since then I find that I keep coming back to that idea. Admittedly, sometimes I’ll put something out there without being totally convinced I have it right. Yet the truth–my truth–is that my whole life I’ve wanted to be made to feel by everyone I tried to love that I am worthy of also being loved. And too often I’ve been disappointed.
They say love is blind. But I don’t think it is love that blinds us. It is need that distorts our thinking and ability to see things for what they are. After finally accepting being rejected by people I care for, I began to feel a sense of liberation. I don’t need anyone to tell me I am worthy. Love–pure love–can only exist where there is no need. My worth is inherent. And anyone who can’t see that is the one who is blind.
This year has been a series of losses, let downs, crises, and failures; full of moments and experiences that made me stop and think and feel quite a bit. I’ve fought, I’ve lost, I’ve moiled, and I’ve mourned. I’ve been challenged in so many unusual ways I never could have prepared for or expected. I’ve had to let go of the life I envisioned for myself and my family in preparation for a life that was meant to be mine. I’ve endured rejection and hardship so that I could discover the true meaning of love and freedom.
So many people I know have been going through the same things. The struggle to accept our lives as they are, without need, without regret… this is one that few fail to fall into. We all long for something. We all look in all the wrong places before stumbling onto something right. We all get desperate when a sense of control is beyond us. We all want to belong.
But we also have to relinquish whatever it is we cling to if we are ever to experience pure peace. pure bliss. pure love. We have to remember the light that is inside, even in these darkest of days. I belong to myself. And, I belong to something much, much greater than me. I am a part of it. You are a part of it. It unites us in so many mystical and magical ways.
There will always be dark as long as there is light. 2016 was a dark year. I’m hoping 2017 is accompanied by a lot more light, despite the cards stacked against it. But I think no matter what challenge lies before us, loving our way through it is the only way to wholly overcome anything.
And so it is, as we reach the brink of both an end and a beginning, that I resolve to love and to let go. May we all learn to embrace our dark side even as we welcome the light. May we cherish the winter in spite of its storms while remembering the warmth that is promised. And to the New Year… Cheers!