je ne sais quois

Lately I’ve been feeling really shitty about myself.  I look in the mirror and I’m tired of what I see.  It’s all very ugly and frightening and I think, “who would find this irresistible??”  So I’ve sulked and I’ve cried and really I’ve just… died inside.

But tonight I decided to do something different.  I sat in front of the mirror and started talking to myself.  At first, it was mostly just because I’m alone and lonely and wanted to feel like there was someone else in the room listening to me.  (You can put away the violins, it’s okay.)  Alas… it was just me.  But as I sat there watching and not just listening to myself talk, I began to see a je ne sais quois that I actually found quite captivating.  And then a miracle happened as I began to think, “who wouldn’t find this irresistible?!”

Je ne sais quois.  As within, so without.  Beauty is on the inside; it’s in the eyes of the beholder.  All of these are just expressions to give rise to the notion that who we are is more important than what people see before them.  Looks can be deceiving and what is underneath can transform any beast into a handsome prince.

Look within yourself.  Really gaze into the mirror and peer at your own reflection.  Think of something that makes you smile and watch as your face lights up.  That’s true inner beauty coming through.  All the doubters and all the haters who would have you believe otherwise really aren’t worth your time.  Now think of something that’s important to you, something you stand by; something you believe in.  Think of a challenge you’ve been through and how you overcame it, or a fight you’re still battling.  Notice the strength, the courage written on your face.  See how elegant you are, and yet how bold.  Stop thinking about how your hair looks, how your clothes hang on your body or any of that stuff.  Really just look at yourself without all of the harsh judgment.  What do you see emanating from the inside?

Tonight I see me, for the first time in a long time.  And dammit if I’m not a total stunner.

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