I hang up the phone after being told that she left this world peacefully about an hour ago. Meanwhile, in my hands, are the gifts I meant to bring her, the cards I meant to send her. She called a few weeks ago to tell me: no gifts, no cards this year. I never returned her phone call. In her message, she said a phone call would be better than a card. I thought about calling her on Christmas. I thought of her several times throughout the day. But I knew I would have a hard time admitting to her (to anyone) that I was spending Christmas day alone. And then I just got too busy… as usual.
It wasn’t until I got the message that it was time to say our last good-byes that I was willing to drop everything to go and be with her. What if I had done that sooner? She talked so often of having me and my kids over. But either she would fall ill or I would forget because I was too damn… busy.
It isn’t right. No one should keep themselves so busy that they can’t make time for friends and loved ones. Time is precious and how much of it we have is completely unknown. It’s like having a bank account that you continue to withdraw funds from, yet you have no idea when the money is going to run out. In that situation, it seems obvious that we would spend it slowly, carefully, and with a conscious effort. But we all rush around so fast, pretending our lives are going to last forever and that those we love and cherish will always be with us. We waste so much time on things that simply do. not. matter. Because nothing matters more than the people who give us a reason to live.
Pick up the phone. Tell someone you love them. When you see them, be sure to squeeze them tight.
Our bodies are but vessels for the pure being inside. Without it, those now surrounding us feel far removed from us. They are no longer confined to this world; they can travel the depths of space and time.
My intentions were good and my love for her runs deep. I hope she feels that because these gifts in my hand are of no use to her now.