As a caseworker, it is my job to connect the dots; to understand how all the pieces fit together so that I may join them in order to complete the bigger picture of a person’s life. And as a writer, a reader, a mother, a daughter, an ex-lover, a friend–a human being–this is also what I aim to do: connect each seemingly unrelated artifact from my life in an effort to feel myself a part of this collective arrangement of thought, which imagines all things in this world–and the world itself–into being. What is our world after all but a realization of a need turned to invention turned to life as we know it? What was once unfathomable to the human mind does indeed become possible.
Thoughts of being turn to thought no more. Life recycles itself so that it may understand itself; we are but particles of waste, born with ideas, yes, but allowing them to die with us. And we die a little more each and every day, our notions of the asceticism of life fading away with time so that by the moment we learn to speak our divinity has already been replaced with humanity’s delusions of want and of need, a tireless spinning of lies in the webs we weave.
Glimpses of the infinite can only be traced in the simplicities of life, in love and loss and in nature; for love and loss are but the only laws governing nature. And who would we be without nature? It sustains us, cradles us, rocks us to sleep. Yet we get tied up in our own thread of materialism forgetting that all which could save us is all we were born with, all we inherited from the Earth. On the other hand, all we depend on, all that would bind us keeps us further apart. Notions of separateness, feelings of dissonance… these are but illusions preventing us from getting closer to our Truth. And what is our Truth? I believe it is that we create our own reality.
We live in what has been described as a participatory universe. In this sense, we are co-creators. We bounce ideas off the wall, some of them stick and some fall to a bottomless floor. But everything we do, every compromise made, every scheme devised, every problem we feel we must resolve is in response to a reality that was shaped by our conscious awareness. When we change our perceptions, therefore, our entire world changes with us.
We attach meaning to what we see in front of us and assume it is based on reality when really everything is imagined. None of this is happening and yet all of this is happening at the same time. Nothing changes and yet it all changes. Thoughts lead to actions. Truth becomes a lie and lies become our truth. Life is ever what you make it.