Congratulations?

“My biggest accomplishment is my marriage so far. Because it’s hard.” –Gwen Stefani

A co-worker just came up to me and flashed me the new diamond ring on her finger. She just became engaged over the weekend. And at that point, I didn’t know whether to offer a pleased as punch “Congratulations!” or scoff with an aporetic “Yeah, good luck!” I opted for the former (I even gave her a hug. I’m not sure why, she’s new and I don’t really know her that well). Afterall, who knows? Maybe her and her fiance are completely realistic about how tremendously challenging it can be to remain committed to another person. Maybe they’ve battled through enough together to know that whatever life throws at them, no matter the pits of emotional turmoil that can often drive a wedge between two people, they will always love eachother and they will always be there for one another. Maybe they welcome that sense of accomplishment that comes from overcoming life’s hardships, failures, and disappointments alongside the person they love and respect above all others.

Is it possible? Is it possible for love to not always be so one sided? Is it possible to believe in something so much that it can manifest itself in your life? Because so far I’ve not seen any evidence of it. So while I find myself wanting desperately to believe in soul quenching love, in hopes that it will become something real in my life, not something that merely pretends to be real, I feel like a child discovering for the first time that Santa does not in fact exist (I know, I hope you were sitting down for that one). I feel like I should resign myself to being a love infidel, laughing in the face of all who think they’re in love. Laughing because I know how quickly it can turn into something never thought possible, something so far from where it started out, something confusing and pain stakingly difficult. And that’s when people give up. That’s when people begin fleeing from the inevitable, resisting reality, disappointed it didn’t live up to the fantasy. I know I’m certainly guilty of it.

I’ve definitely gained so much more admiration and appreciation for couples who make it to the end of their lives with the one person who probably drove them the craziest, yet never gave up on them. If only love preceded ego, I might actually be able to believe in something real…

Something ever lasting.

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