In the story of Dorothy Gale from Kansas we learn that it was in her all along– she had the power to turn her dream into a reality, one that had all the comforts of home she had taken for granted, but now wished for more than ever.
Home means different things to different people. Many say home is where the heart is. Certainly, my kids are my heart and my home. But as a single mom I’m finding it difficult to create the kind of home I wanted to raise my children in.
One of my dearest friends has a son who just turned 3 and today I attended his birthday party. Kids are the best. They say what they’re feeling, they do as they please; there’s no pretense. I think that’s why I generally enjoy my interactions with kids and will initiate more conversations with them. They’re simply fascinating. When I’m around them I like to try and recall myself as a child and imagine what they make of this world. Am I any closer to a conclusion than they? (Not always.) And while being included in these types of occasions brings a certain joy, there is also an angst, a longing that weighs heavy on me due to the fact that I am completely out of my element and I want what I haven’t got. I am surrounded by people who genuinely love and care for each other; people who like to laugh, not at each other but with each other; who enjoy each other’s company and with such ease. No pretense. Just togetherness. There’s cooperation between husband and wife. There’s years and years of devotion. How do they do that?
As someone who grew up feeling out of place in my own home and family, I can relate very much to Dorothy. Where is home and how will I know when I’m there?
Maybe Dorothy was on to something when she said, “If I ever go looking for my heart’s desire again, I won’t look any further than my own backyard, because if it isn’t there, I never really lost it to begin with.” But part of me also wonders if I just needed to trek down this winding road of despair before my wish could be granted. Because up until now I doubted whether family was all that important. I minimized the tremendous amount of courage it takes to create an everlasting bond between two people. And now I want it more than ever.
To find love is to find a home. I would just like for it to be more in my backyard and not somewhere “out there”. I’m clicking my heels together, I’m saying the magic words……
Dammit, where’s Glinda when you need her?